March 28, 2008

• I'm not gonna write you a love song.

  Things changed big time this week. A day or so after my love tirade of days before, I was reminded of how freely those words are used and how infrequently they can truly be meant. Even when I'm the one saying them, I'm not putting responsibility off of myself - especially in friendships. I already said, I'm not love, even though I wish I was. I won't go into details, it isn't worth it. I'm not petty and I won't play those games.

  
  

  I'm surprisingly cool about the whole thing. Three years ago, I fell apart. I was crushed; left in a bloody, sixteen-year-old heap of disillusionment. I thought my life would never get any better, that I was always just going to be alone and bitter.

  
  

  I was wrong.

  
  

  No, I am not a socialite. The truth is, I never have been. I don't have tons of friends, I'm not constantly doing something, and for the most part, I am okay with that. I've always been bookish, I'd often rather lose myself in fictional worlds than invest much in the rotting rust-spot that the real world is.

  
  

  But the amazing part is... it doesn't matter. I don't have to be adventurous, or a risk-taker, or "put myself out there", or whatever. I've always been safe. And that's okay. I don't need to change my personality to fit in. I don't fit in - never have, never will! And that's good. That means I'm sticking to what I know is right -- I'm not going to compromise the beliefs that God has instilled in my heart to be popular or for people to love me. I did that in junior high, but I'm in college now. I left that people-pleasing need back in freshman year of high school. I am who I am, take it or leave it. Sure, sometimes I'm lonely, and sometimes I wish I was "like everybody else". But I'd never do anything to change it, because I'm not like everybody else. God made me this way. And even if I can't see it yet, it's for a purpose. He didn't just throw me together, like abstract art. [Don't get me wrong, abstract art can be amazing! I'm just saying that He took a little more time than that when He made us.] When He made me, He knew everything He wanted me to be. And I'm sure I'm not there yet -- but my core is. My core is what He created, and I don't ever want that removed.

  
  

  I love Him and I won't cut Him out of the tapestry of my DNA just so people will high-five me and pat my back and invite me to parties.

  
  

  Screw that, baby. Screw that.

  
  

   

  
  

  More eloquently put, on my friend Carla's latest entry...

  
  

  [ "There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
  
  When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, “They went out from us, but they were never really part of us. If they had been, they would have stayed with us. But by leaving they made it clear that none of them were part of us.” [1 John 2:19]
  
  People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
  
  You’ve got to know when it’s dead. You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift; I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful. It’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat, I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!"
  
  -- T. D. Jakes ]

  
  

  
  They left us, but they were never really with us. If they had been, they would have stuck it out with us, loyal to the end. In leaving, they showed their true colors, showed they never did belong.

  
  

  -- 1 John 2:19 (The Message)
  

  
  

  Thank you, Carla.
  And thank you, Jesus.

  • 12:11 pm
  • 3 Comments