April 3, 2008

  • I can talk about my feelings, sometimes.

    I wrote this to my friend Molly. It's kind of a jumble of my thoughts lately.


    I was reading Hosea the other day (haha, amazing, she still reads her Bible sometimes... ;] :D ) and I think maybe that's what God is doing with me. You know where He talks about Hosea leading his cheating whore of a wife (read it! haha) into the desert where they met and romancing her again... I think maybe I kind of pushed Him away until I ended up in the desert and I'm sitting there and I'm starving and dying of thirst and in this tiny voice I'm like, "okay God, I miss you and I need you." And He's right there. And He just kind of grins and says, "I know. And I never left."


     


    I hate altar calls. Especially the "if this is you, raise your hand, or come up front" kind of altar call. It makes non-Christians (and even Christians like myself) feel uncomfortable, like they're not holy enough if they don't go to the altar. There are some things that just stick with you...


    When I was in 9th grade, I tried out a different youth group. And everything was going pretty well for a while. But then the spirit started moving - a totally great thing - and people started getting haughty. Then one night the worship lead to a couple of kids speaking in tongues, and the whole "RUN UP HERE IF YOU WANT TO BE BAPTIZED IN THE HOLY GHOST!!!" speech.


    I sat down. I wasn't ready. I wasn't cool with speaking in tongues yet (it kind of freaked me out, even though I'd been in church my whole life... it was kind of like I had seen it done fakely so many times I didn't want to see it at all) and I didn't want to be forced into it. Only a handful of kids were seated, the rest ran up to be part of the huge group that was getting "baptized"... and the pastor took the mike and said "You guys, the ones sitting over here, you are unclean."

    I don't remember ANYTHING ELSE about that night. Just the fact that he told me & the other kids sitting down that we were UNCLEAN because we didn't run up front to speak in tongues. (Maybe that's my own negativity... but it stuck with me just the same.)

    Sometimes I think we get really zealous, and we don't realize that we're hurting rather than helping. I think it's important to see where someone is coming from, without doing what they do... which is hard. Idk. Maybe that's why I'm having this dry spell, maybe I'm getting a glimpse through the eyes of somebody who doesn't know Jesus... or better yet, someone who did and isn't sure they want to anymore, or has been hurt by the church. I don't think I'm called to missions. I think I'm called to help those who have been burned and scarred by churches or pastors or church people to come back to Christ and understand that He isn't the church, and the church isn't Him.


    I'm trying to understand where I fit. Or at least, where I'm going to fit temporarily. I'm still the square trying to fit into the circle, but I want to be a square with a purpose and an idea of where I'm going. 


     


     


    EDIT;
    if you don't watch American Idol, don't click this.
    but if you do, and you like David Cook at all... man oh man. you must see!


    http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail?contentId=6008032&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1


     

Comments (5)

  • i'm right there with you.
    wow, that pastor's words just stabbed me in the face. holy geesh.
    reminds me of an experience my girlfriend had. they were at a youth camp, singing the song "undignified." afterwards, the speaker said he wanted to "shoot them with a shotgun when they were singing that song."
    Completely different situation.
    but our christian leaders can be absolutely disgusting sometimes.
    i think your calling is much needed.
    obviously.

  • i remember that night...

  • I was reading about what you had to say about speaking in tongues... have you ever read what the book of Acts says about speaking in tongues? I ask, because I think it may help you in the dilemma you had that day.

    And Jesus is the only one who could ever call you unclean... but that's why He came... He came to make us clean and to be righteousness for us. I know that we are all sinful and unclean...but it's wrong for us as Christians to yell or accuse other people of being unclean when we all in our nature are that. We can't show the love of Christ by yelling...that's for sure.

  • yikes! that night at youth group you talked about sounds really threatening.
    i've never even been around someone speaking in tongues before. i believe that God can still use people with that spiritual gift, but i'm very against the idea of "if you can't speak in tongues, then you're not a Christian!" that's not right at all.

    and about the altar calls...
    my home church didn't really do that a lot. i mean, we did in the sense that my pastor would give the Gospel message at the end and anyone who wanted to accept Christ was welcome to come forward and pray. but we didn't really even have an altar, haha. but anyways, the college i'm at is really big on altar calls. and, honestly, i've felt a little guilty sometimes for not going forward. but if i don't sense God leading me to do it, then i need to be obedient to Him and not get caught up in the emotions of the service. and, what i think is more, God knows my heart, my thoughts, my soul, my motives -- wherever i am. i can talk to Him in my chair, just as well as i can talk to Him at an altar in front of hundreds of people. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i've learned even more about just being obedient to what God is saying to YOU. and don't feel forced into doing something just because other Christians think you should. but, obviously, you know that. :)

    sorry for the long comment. i really liked this entry though! talk to ya later. <3

  • Well, to rephrase.. i wouldn't have remembered it unless you brought it up. does that still count as remembering it?

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