July 24, 2008

• I'm learning.

  
  

  I'm learning that I can like a song that has nothing to do with my life, or exactly what I'm doing in that moment. I'm learning that I can put on my bathing suit and show my chubby, bright-white legs, and the faintest hint of cleavage, [all the while being slightly embarrassed but not letting it stop me] and not be considered a slut. I'm learning that sweating really isn't a big deal; it's good for you and even though it's gross, it comes off in a shower. I'm learning that it's a God-thing that I appreciate little wonders, like a hot shower; or my own pillow with the butterflies on the pillow case; or the smell of fabric softener, perfume, and room sprays; or a huge hug and my name being yelled by three-year-old Matthew; or playing Wii with Sam and Alex; or watching Gilmore Girls and playing Webkinz with my sister Abbi; or wearing the same white flats while they turn tan from all the use. I'm learning that God is always exactly on time -- not too early, not too late, and even when I'm impatient He is always up to something... ALWAYS.

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  I've also discovered that I love Rihanna, that my feet are flat (thanks, Dad.), and that I still dream way too big for my britches.

  
  

  I don't know what/who this quote is from, but it kind of describes exactly how I feel right now. [If anyone knows its source, do share.] --
  
  "it's funny how one summer can change everything. it must be something about the heat, and the smell of chlorine, fresh cut grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms, the steam rising while everything drips around it. something about long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic flip flops from the drug store thwacking down the street. something about fall being so close, another year, another Christmas, another beginning. so much in one summer, stirring up like the storm that creeps up at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to leave everything gasping and cool. everyone can reach back to one summer and lay a finger on it, finding the exact point where everything changed. this summer would be mine."

  
  

   I am exactly who I am.
  God loves every inch of my awkward and imperfect body, and my whole huge, battered heart - to the core where He resides.
  Don't get the wrong idea. I still have those days - "ugly days" where makeup and hair and clothes and everything about me are just wrong and I don't like them and I'd rather stay in bed than go outside and face the world. But it's good to know that I'm not the only one that feels that way. Everybody has those days. Don't make me start singing Hannah Montana, because I will. Another thing that I've truly grasped this summer is that I am never, ever alone - YOU are never alone. There is always someone, somewhere who is feeling exactly what you're feeling and can say with sincerity "I know how you feel", without a hint of pretension.

  
  

  LOVE THIS LIFE. Stop complicating it. Don't make it more or less than what it is. Breathe. Feel. Live.

  
  

  In other words,
  que sera sera --
  Whatever will be, will be.

  
  

   

  • 11:35 am
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