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I'm going to start out by saying that I am tired of my own stupidity.

I'm tired of always adding "...which, I shouldn't" to the end of any sentence talking about how I feel about something. How I feel is how I feel, and that is it. I don't have to act on said feelings, or make anyone miserable. But if someone asks how I'm feeling, I don't have to explain away or rationalize or degrade my emotions. As my best friend has asked me every time I've used that phrase, why shouldn't I feel that way?

In honor of today's surprising awesomeness, I post Five Iron Frenzy lyrics.
(because, really, they started my day out amazingly.)

Making young girls pine, I don't have the time
Babies get in line, I've got a protractor
Got a stapler now, it goes “Ka-ching"
gotta have the math club crown me king
gotta rock the screen with the cosine graphing
on my calculator.
If you're up and if you want
a piece of me
wave goodbye and blow a kiss
'Cause you can't handle this

[chorus]
No, No, No
you can't handle this.
No, No, No
you can't handle this.

Through my glasses glare you'll see savoir faire
beneath my icy stare, I've got a retainer
Maybe I'm the physics main event
maybe I'm the chem club president
maybe even Texas Instruments
thinks that I'm coplanar

If you're up and if you want
a piece of me
wave goodbye and blow a kiss
‘Cause you can't handle this

[chorus]

And Leonard Nimoy can't stand up to this
And Captain James T. Kirk
bows beneath my fists
And I am awesome... awesome!
I am the awesomest!

[chorus]

I have too much to be thankful for to keep moping. Yes, I'm incomplete, my heart isn't whole, things are still pretty broken. So what? Que sera, sera. I have to stop angsting and just live for a change. I don't mean that in the whole, I'm gonna do whatever feels good, baby. sense of the phrase. I mean... I have to stop staring at the gaping hole in my chest and work on turning my attentions outward. Maybe if I loved other people more than I loved myself, my life wouldn't seem so bad. I guess when you start asking "YEAH, BUT WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?" you realize that your priorities have probably slipped. I want to grow up, and be strong, and find my own way, but I don't want to shove people aside in the process.

I spent the last of my other paycheck on The Force Unleashed for Xbox 360, and while I bought it for my brother, let's face it -- it was just as much for me to sit and watch as it was for him to play. I don't know why I'm putting this in this entry, other than the fact that I felt better making an effort with Ben than just pushing him away like I tend to do with the people I love when I'm being introspective.

[nerd rant] Oh, and P.S.? The entire storyline is ruined by that game. And while the new Clone Wars movie was pure fun, it was strange that they chose to give Anakin a Padawan when that's never been part of the deal... Hello?! Does the almighty George Lucas want to ruin all chance of continuity in the story? Or are his godlike creative liberties going to take a toll on the saga? We'll see. I know he's brilliant, especially with marketing... but I just hope he isn't slipping. (Or hitting the sauce, as I told Danika in yesterday's passionate anti-Force moment of blathering.)

[/nerd rant]

Today was my second interview with Giant, and it was a success! Go ahead and laugh, kids, but I have my name tag and polos and I am going to be a Tree House associate, which means I'm watching other people's children! Yes! I am totally excited. And yes, I realize that some children are impossible to babysit and should be kept on leashes... however, if I do become a teacher (as I've been leaning toward as of late), it will be good practice to deal with children that aren't related to me in any way, shape or form. (Until my five-year-old cousin Karrington comes in while my aunt and uncle grocery shop, because it's like her favorite place. But you know what I mean.)

I feel chatty today.
Hence the long entry.